I Spent Years Learning How to Process Emotions. These 21 Habits Helped the Most
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If you grew up like I did, you probably weren’t taught how to process emotions.
I know I wasn’t.
Before therapy, before all the training, before I understood anything about emotional health, I handled emotions the same way I saw them handled around me.
When I got upset, I reacted. If something hurt, I either bottled it up or let it all out. I thought this was normal because it was all I knew.
The problem was that I kept reacting the same way to the same situations.
When I was upset, I either reacted in the moment or shut down completely. I didn’t know how to pause, figure out what I was feeling, or communicate it in a healthy way.
It wasn’t until I started therapy that I realized I was missing a whole set of skills.
No one had shown me how to identify what I was feeling, understand where it was coming from, or know what to do with it once it showed up.
Learning how to process emotions didn’t happen overnight. It took years of therapy, learning, and practicing these skills in real life.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to take you years to start seeing a difference. Most of the habits that helped me the most are surprisingly simple and take only a few minutes a day.
Over time, those small habits helped me become less reactive, more aware of my triggers, and more confident in knowing what to do when emotions run high.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I struggling to process my emotions,“ these habits are a great place to start.
What Does It Actually Mean to Process Your Emotions?
Processing an emotion means you feel something, figure out what it is, and let it move through you instead of letting it get stuck.
Most people miss that last step. If you don’t process an emotion, it doesn’t go away. It just shows up in other ways.
You might snap at someone you care about for no real reason, or maybe shut down and withdraw instead of communicating what you need.
The emotion didn’t just leave, you just stopped feeling it, so it found another way out.
I did this for a LONG time. I avoided, distracted, procrastinated, and told myself I was fine even when my body was clearly saying otherwise.
What really changed for me was breaking the habit of treating emotions as problems to be fixed. Instead, I started seeing them as information to pay attention to.
Processing means taking a moment to ask what your emotion is telling you, feeling it in your body instead of just thinking about it, and then letting it pass.
Emotions are meant to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. The problem is, we often stop them at the start and then wonder why they return.
You don’t always need a therapy session or an hour of journaling.
Sometimes it just takes 90 seconds to sit with discomfort instead of reaching for your phone.
Other times, it’s as simple as writing one honest sentence or saying to yourself, “This is hard, and I’m struggling right now.”
That’s all it takes. No need to perform or fix anything. Just acknowledge the feeling and give it some space to do its job!!
The 30 habits I’m sharing come from years of making mistakes before I learned how to get it right.
The Habits That Changed Everything for Me
None of this started because I suddenly became interested in personal growth.
It started when I realized the way I handled emotions wasn’t working. Around that same time, someone set a boundary with me that forced me to slow down and take an honest look at my reactions.
That moment was the start of a much bigger learning process.
Over the years, I learned a lot through therapy, training, and real-life experience. Looking back, these habits made the biggest difference for me.
The habits in this article are the ones I kept coming back to because they actually helped. Some were surprisingly simple, but they made a bigger difference than I expected.
Read through the list first, then choose a few that feel doable for you right now.
Let’s get started!!
21 Habits I Practiced While Learning How to Process Emotions
1. Learning & Using the DBT STOP Skill Before Reacting
The first thing I had to learn was that a reaction and a response are two different things.
A reaction is automatic. A response is chosen. The pause in between is where the work actually happens.
I began practicing the DBT STOP skill regularly: Stop, Take a step back, Observe what’s happening, and Proceed mindfully.
It might seem structured, but that was exactly what I needed when my emotions were intense, and I felt the urge to act quickly.
2. Building the Habit of Paying Attention
This started after reading Dr. Nicole LePera’s “How to Do the Work,” where she describes finding one or two minutes in your day to be fully present in whatever you’re already doing.
Washing dishes, folding laundry. You narrate it quietly to yourself or say it out loud. It sounds too simple, but it genuinely pulls you out of autopilot.
Once I started paying closer attention throughout the day, I noticed there were usually clues beforehand.
And the more I practiced checking in with myself, the easier it became to catch emotions earlier instead of realizing I was overwhelmed after I had already reached my limit.
3. Writing Down My First Urge Before Acting on It
After something upset me, I started asking myself: “What do I want to do right now?” Go silent? Leave the room? Text someone to vent? Snap back?
I wrote down my urges without judging them (I gotta admit this was hard). I wasn’t trying to stop myself, just to notice it.
That first urge often showed me what I was really feeling, and it became a clue instead of something I just did automatically.
Once you notice your knee-jerk response, you start to see it as a pattern, and patterns can change. You can’t work with something if you haven’t noticed it yet.
4. Asking, “Do I Actually Need to Respond Right Now?”
This question saved me from a lot of unnecessary stress. When I felt overwhelmed, I often thought I had to reply right away, explain myself, or fix things immediately.
Asking myself this question really helped me avoid making things worse by reacting too fast. It let me process my feelings first.
Most of the time, the answer was no, and things felt much clearer after I gave myself a bit of time.
I still use this approach all the time, taking a moment to think before I act.
5. Scanning My Chest, Stomach & Shoulders When I’m Upset
I realized that I often felt emotions in my body before I could describe them. My shoulders would tense up, my stomach would get unsettled, or my chest would tighten.
Paying attention to these areas helped me quickly notice when something was wrong, even if I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling or needed.
I started by checking three spots in my body. Chest: Is it tight or is it loose? Stomach: Does it feel knotted up or normal? Shoulders: are they up near my ears or relaxed?
Just scanning those three spots gave me real information.
If you’ve been following me, you know I often mention this in my 5-step method for processing emotions.
Rather than telling myself to “scan my body,” which felt overwhelming when I was already stressed, I focused on my chest, stomach, and shoulders. This gave me an easy way to start.
6. Paying Attention to Changes in My Breathing
I didn’t realize how much my breathing changed depending on how I felt. Shorter breaths, holding it, breathing through my mouth. These were all signals I had been ignoring completely.
Noticing these changes helped me see when stress was starting to build up. It reminded me to slow down before things got too overwhelming.
Now, when I catch myself holding my breath while answering an email, rushing through a task, or replaying a conversation in my head, I treat it as information.
Instead of pushing through, I’ll stop for a minute and check in with myself. More often than not, there’s an emotion underneath that needs my attention.
7. Keeping an Emotions Wheel Screenshot on My Phone
When I first started learning how to process emotions in therapy, I realized I was labeling everything as “stress” or “anxiety.”
Looking back, I see that I used those words as a catch-all for feelings I couldn’t name.
The more I learned to name what I was actually feeling, the less confusing my emotions became and the easier they were to work through.
An emotions wheel is a chart that sorts emotions into groups, with more specific words in each group.
When I felt “bad,” I would check the wheel and try to figure out what I was really feeling. Was it embarrassment? Disappointment? Jealousy? Dread?
Being specific made a difference. Saying “I feel disappointed” gives you something to work with, while “I feel bad” is too vague. Being clear really helps when you’re trying to understand yourself.
The more clearly I named my feelings, the easier it was to figure out what I needed and what would actually help me right then.
You can find a free emotion wheel by searching online and saving a screenshot to your phone, so it’s there whenever you need it.
8. Looking Up Emotion Words I Didn’t Know
Looking up emotion words I didn’t know ended up helping me A LOT!! If you’ve seen an emotions wheel, you know it shows so many different feelings.
I remember realizing there were so many words for feelings I’d had but never knew how to name.
As I learned more about emotions through therapy and later while training to become a therapist myself, I became much more curious about the differences between them.
I began keeping a list in my journal of emotion words I hadn’t used to describe myself before. Words like “resentful,” “apprehensive,” or “disheartened.”
The more emotion words I learned, the easier it was to understand what I was really feeling, instead of just calling everything stress, anxiety, or frustration.
9. Holding Ice When I felt Emotionally Flooded
Okay, I know this one sounds wild, but it works!
When I felt completely overwhelmed and like I couldn’t think straight, holding ice in my hands for a minute helped pull me back into my body fast.
The sensation is strong enough to interrupt the spiral without worsening anything. It’s in my toolkit for the moments when nothing else feels accessible.
When I was first learning how to process my emotions, I remember a day when I was SO overwhelmed. I ran to the fridge, grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, and just held it against my chest.
I remember being by the open fridge, breathing and holding the cold bag of peas, trying my hardest not to act on my urge.
After a few minutes, my breathing slowed, my heart rate went down, and I finally had space to think, AND I didn’t act on my urge. It felt amazing.
You only need to hold it for thirty to sixty seconds. The strong physical feeling gives your brain something else to focus on.
This is especially helpful when you feel out of control and need to ground yourself quickly.
10. Setting a 10-15 Minute Timer Before Responding
Whenever I felt the urge to act while I was really worked up, I set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes and just waited until it rang.
Giving myself a bit of time and setting limits helped me separate my feelings from what I did next. Most of the time, I handled things differently once the strong emotions faded.
You don’t have to be impulsive with your feelings. Giving yourself a little time is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and the people around you.
I won’t pretend this is easy, especially at first. Depending on how strong my emotions were, I would pair it with the habit of using cold therapy or just dancing to a song. That always helped me.
When the timer went off, I would check in: do I still want to do the thing I was about to do? Sometimes yes. Often no.
Ten minutes is often enough for the strongest part of an emotion to fade, so you can think more clearly.
11. Saving a “What Actually Helps Me” Note on My Phone
I have a note on my phone with my actual go-to coping skills, the ones that have worked for ME specifically. Because when I’m in the middle of a hard moment, I cannot always think straight!
Making this list when I was calm means I always have something to turn to. Instead of scrambling to decide what to do, I can just pick something I already know works for me.
Build your own list and save it somewhere easy to find when you need it most.
12. Asking Myself, “What Do I Actually Need Right Now?”
As I spent more time journaling, I noticed a pattern. I often felt upset, overwhelmed, or anxious, but I didn’t really know what I needed.
I realized that people in my life couldn’t really help me because they didn’t know what I needed. Since I didn’t know either, I couldn’t tell them.
Figuring out what I needed became important to me.
I began keeping a list of needs that came up often, like wanting to feel heard, needing time alone, or wanting to feel secure.
When I felt upset, I would look at the list to figure out what I really needed.
When you understand the need behind an emotion, you can actually do something about it instead of getting stuck in the same feeling again and again.
13. Wait Until Tomorrow Before Making Big Decisions
Whenever I made big decisions while upset, I usually had to change them later. I realized that strong emotions can make everything seem urgent.
Sometimes, you really do have to decide right away. But most decisions that feel urgent when you’re emotional aren’t actually emergencies.
So I made a rule for myself: if I’m feeling strong emotions, I wait before making any big decisions.
Waiting until I calmed down helped me think more clearly and made it less likely I’d regret my choices later.
If you’re feeling a strong emotion and a decision seems urgent, it can probably wait an hour. Give yourself that time. Your future self will thank you.
14. Practice Coping Skills When I was Calm
One mistake I made early on was only using coping skills when I desperately needed them.
I began practicing breathing exercises, paying attention to the present, and journaling even on calm days, not just when I was having a hard time.
Practicing them during calm moments helped them feel more familiar and easier to access later. It also showed me which strategies genuinely worked for me and which ones didn’t fit my personality.
Getting familiar with your tools when you don’t need them urgently means they’ll actually be there for you when you do.
Practice when you don’t need it so it’s there when you do.
15. Practice Asking for Help in Small Ways
I had to start REALLY small with this one.
Things like asking someone to grab me a glass of water when they were already heading to the kitchen.
Letting someone else choose the restaurant instead of saying, “I don’t care, whatever you want.” Calling a friend and saying, “Can I vent for five minutes?” instead of trying to figure everything out on my own.
This was one of the easiest ways I found to challenge my “I’ll handle it myself” mindset, and honestly, doing that regularly made it so much easier to ask for support when things actually got hard.
If asking for help is hard for you, try starting even smaller than you think you need to. Those small steps really do add up.
15. Building Mental Health Habits That Supported My Emotional Growth
I realized I couldn’t make progress with my emotional work when I was sleeping poorly, not moving, and not eating well.
I needed a solid foundation for the emotional work I was doing.
Sleep, getting outside, and eating enough, these things directly affected how much capacity I had to handle hard feelings.
These weren’t separate from processing my emotions, they were part of it. When my basic needs were being met, I had SO much more capacity to handle what came up.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and that cliche exists because it’s genuinely true.
So if you’re wondering, “how to process emotions in a healthy way?” Pay attention to the habits surrounding it. I promise it will make emotional challenges feel A LOT more manageable.
16. Tracking Emotional Patterns in My Journal
Writing about my emotions over and over really helped me notice patterns I would have otherwise missed.
I started noticing certain feelings, situations, and reactions keep showing up again and again.
At the end of each week, I looked back through my journal entries to see what kept coming up.
Was I anxious every Sunday night? Did I always feel drained after certain conversations? Did I keep having the same argument with the same person?
Patterns tell you much more about yourself than single moments. Once you spot a pattern, things feel less random and less scary.
Think of this habit as creating a map of your inner world!!
17. Asking Myself, “When Have I Felt This Before?”
When my reaction seemed much bigger than the situation, I began to ask myself, “When have I felt this feeling before?”
It wasn’t just about this week. Often, if I looked further back, I could see there was a history behind it.
Once I made that connection, my reaction started to make sense instead of feeling random or out of control.
This isn’t about overthinking or trying to get rid of the emotion. It’s about giving yourself some context so you can understand where the intensity comes from.
18. Tracking What Triggers a Mood Shift
This is something I started to do a few years ago when I had started therapy, and my therapist would ask about my triggers, and I had ZERO ideas!
So when I noticed my mood suddenly shift, I started to become curious about what had happened just before.
I started writing down what was happening right before my mood tanked. Certain times of day, certain conversations, certain environments. After a few weeks, I could see clear patterns.
You stop feeling like your moods are just random things that happen TO you, and you can prepare for or avoid them when needed.
Sometimes, there was an obvious trigger. Other times, it was something small I might not have noticed. Keeping track of these changes helped me understand my emotional patterns much better.
You’re not at the mercy of your moods nearly as much once you understand what’s setting them off.
19. Keeping a List of Things That Help When I’m Upset
This list was different from my list of coping skills. It was smaller, simpler things.
Making chai/coffee. Sitting on my balcony and reading my book. Rewatching a comfort show. Texting a specific friend.
These were the things I knew from experience that actually genuinely helped ME feel better.
Write your own version of this list and keep it somewhere easy to find. When you’re upset, you don’t have the bandwidth to brainstorm. You just need a list to pull from.
Knowing what helps you is a form of self-knowledge that pays off a lot.
20. Keeping a List of Emotional Wins
This one matters more than it sounds! Learning how to process emotions is definitely slow progress, and keeping a list of your wins is so helpful.
I kept a section in my journal just for this. Any time I handled something better than I used to, I wrote it down. It was mostly to share with my therapist, but I’m so glad I did it!!
My list included things like: “Didn’t snap when I was frustrated.” “Asked for what I needed instead of shutting down.” “Left a conversation before I said something I’d regret.”
Honestly, if I could see myself from seven or eight years ago, I wouldn’t believe how much better I handle emotions now.
Back then, those changes seemed so minor that I hardly noticed them. Now, looking back, I realize they made a huge difference in my life.
You need proof that you’re actually changing, and this list is how you build it.
21. Making Journaling Part of My Mental Health Routine
One of the best habits I picked up was making journaling a regular part of my life, not just something I turned to when things got tough.
Writing things down helped me notice patterns, work through my feelings before they became overwhelming, and get to know myself better.
Over time, journaling to process emotions became one of my main ways to check in on my mental health and give myself room to be honest about how I was feeling.
Need some ideas for what to write? That’s why I made the Emotional Processing Journal!
This journal guides you through your emotional blueprint and shows you the easy five stages of emotional processing.
If you’ve ever thought, “I know I’m upset, but I don’t know what to do with these feelings,” this journal is for you.
Get on the waitlist!!
How to Process Emotions in a Healthy Way
After years of reading about emotions, I found something frustrating.
Much of the advice seemed useful, but when I was upset, I still didn’t know what to do next. I wanted something simple to remember and practical to use in real situations.
Here are the five steps I keep returning to:
- Pause and notice what is happening.
- Find the feeling in your body instead of getting stuck in your head.
- Name the emotion as accurately as you can.
- Regulate based on the intensity of the feeling, using coping skills that fit the situation.
- Figure ouFigure out what you need underneath the emotion.
I’ve had readers tell me these were some of the first emotional processing steps that actually felt doable.
So, if you’re wondering how to feel your feelings instead of intellectualizing them and want you want a full breakdown, check out this post: How to Process Your Emotions (When No One Taught You How)
How to Journal to Process Emotions
If you’ve ever sat down to journal and immediately thought, “I have no idea what I’m supposed to write,” you’re definitely not alone.
I used to think journaling meant filling pages with deep insights, but honestly, some of my most helpful journal entries started with a simple question like, “What is bothering me right now?”
One thing I love about journaling is that it gives your emotions somewhere to go.
Instead of replaying the same thoughts in your head for hours (or days), you can get them out on paper and start making sense of them.
If you want prompts or just wondered how to journal to process emotions, take a look at my post: 60 Guided Journal Prompts to Help You Process Your Emotions.
It’s packed with practical ideas you can start using today!
Processing Emotions Worksheet
Are you ready to stop feeling stuck in your emotions? Grab the Emotion Regulation Guide below to help you understand what you’re feeling and know what to do next! Get it sent straight to your inbox!
Emotion Regulation Guide!
If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions and don’t know what to do next, this Emotion Regulation Guide was made for you.
Final Thoughts….
If there’s one thing I wish someone had taught me earlier, it’s that learning how to process emotions is a skill.
Most of us were never handed a step-by-step guide for what to do when we felt hurt, overwhelmed, frustrated, embarrassed, or anxious. We were just expected to figure it out.
That’s why I love focusing on small habits. They feel a lot less intimidating than trying to completely change how you handle emotions overnight.
So if you made it through this list and found a few habits you want to try, start there! You don’t need to do all 21. Pick one, get comfortable with it, and build from there.
Learning how to process an emotion has made such a difference in my own life, and I hope some of these habits help you, too.
More Posts You’ll Love
- How to Use the DBT Model for Describing Emotions (+Printable)
- How to Stop Emotional Monitoring (When No One Taught You How)
- 50 June Journal Prompts for Exploring the Family Roles You Grew Up With
- If Your Emotions Go From 0 to 100, This DBT STOP Skill Can Help
- Can You Sit With It Instead? 4 Simple Steps to Actually Feel Your Feelings
Learning how to process emotions? Pin this for later!
Nisha Patel
Founder of Brown Girl Trauma
Nisha Patel, LCSW
Founder of Brown Girl Trauma