Dear Cycle Breaker, You’re Not Crazy for Wanting Something Different

As a therapist, I've worked with many people who want something different. Most of the time, they can't name what that something is, but I hear a lot of, 'This can't be normal, ' 'I can't keep going like this,' or 'I was called selfish, dramatic.'

If you're a child of an immigrant, there is often this unspoken pressure to preserve what your family built, so when you do think about whether there is another way to live, it can feel confusing, scary, or even like betrayal.

But here's what I have learned, both personally and in the therapy room: Just because something feels familiar does not mean it's right for you, and it's possible to want something different and still honor where you come from. Even though it might feel like betrayal or rejection of your roots by wanting something different, you're just trying to breathe a little more freely. It's clarity.

I used to question myself a lot, too. Is it OK to want something different when everyone else seems OK with how things are? Am I betraying my family by wanting something different in my life? Should I stop asking questions and just keep going?

Every time I ignored those thoughts and feelings, I noticed they came back stronger and had a bigger (often negative) impact on my life.

Wanting something different does not mean the way you were raised was wrong; it is more of an opportunity to think about and change what fits and what doesn't fit. Most of our parents did not have the space to do this.

From one cycle breaker to another, I know how hard it is to be the first one to say something isn't working for you, and you're stepping out of the dysfunction. I know what it's like to feel the weight of expectations you didn't ask for, set boundaries with family when it was never a part of conversations, or even name that you want something different for your life.

That can be an incredibly lonely journey, AND your desire for wanting something different is completely valid.

Sometimes, something different looks like slowing down, saying no, setting smaller boundaries, going to therapy, or choosing your career path. These things might seem small, but if you're conditioned to adapt, these are actually big steps.

Change might not happen overnight or the way you want, but it's still a big deal because it's a choice you're making for yourself.

If this is you questioning and shifting, I see you. I have been there, and I promise you're not crazy for wanting something different.

I am rooting for you always, cycle breaker! 

You’re Not Crazy for Wanting Something Different

Psst...pin this post to when you need a reminder that it's okay to want something different!

More Reads You Might Like!