If Your Emotions Go From 0 to 100, This DBT STOP Skill Can Help
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TL;DR: If your emotions go from 0 to 100, this post breaks down the DBT STOP skill, showing you how to use it when your brain is yelling, “Fix it. Reply. Act. Now.” I’ll walk you through what the skill is and how to use it. If you choose to stay until the end, you will find a free downloadable handout to help you practice it on your own.
What Is the DBT STOP Skill?
The DBT STOP skill is a foundational distress tolerance skill from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that you can use when your emotions go from 0 to 100, and you feel the urge to react immediately.
I’ve taught DBT skills for years in group and individual sessions, and the STOP skill is usually among the first I teach. One of the things we talk about in DBT is how not to make your situation worse when your emotions spike, which can be really hard to do or remember. The goal is to pause without rushing to fix the problem immediately, to tolerate your emotions, and to respond rather than react.
So what does the STOP acronym stand for? STOP is an acronym that guides the pause:
- S: Stop- stop your body and your behavior
- T: Take a Step Back- step away from the situation
- O: Observe- notice what’s happening inside and around you
- P: Proceed Mindfully- choose your next steps instead of reacting
Think of the DBT STOP skill as a way to buy yourself some time. The time to let the emotion pass and CHOOSE how you want to move forward.
When Should the DBT STOP Skill Be Used?
In DBT, we talk about three states of mind that influence how you think and make decisions in different situations:
- Rational Mind: The rational mind is the logical side of things. This is when you’re focused on facts and trying to solve the problem without letting your emotions get in the way. That can be really helpful in certain situations, but sometimes it can feel disconnected or cold, especially in more personal situations.
- Emotion Mind: When your emotions are running the show. Your feelings mainly drive your thoughts and actions, and your decisions are based on emotions rather than facts. We have all been there, like saying or doing something you regret when you’re upset.
- Wise Mind: The balance between your emotions and logic. Being in wise mind allows you to acknowledge how you’re feeling while also thinking clearly. It allows you to make more intentional choices that you’re less likely to regret later.
When your emotional mind takes over, you might notice you’re more likely to react without really thinking things through and say or do something in the moment, only to realize later you didn’t consider all the facts.
I have been there many times, and I’ve realized that in that state of mind, it’s hard to slow down or reach wise mind because everything feels pressing. And to get to a place where I can use any skills, I first have to pause and stop myself from reacting to the impulse.
This is where the DBT STOP skill comes in handy, because it gives me a little moment to breathe, stay in control, and be intentional about what to do next, rather than just reacting.
Over time, using the STOP skill will help you feel more grounded in your responses. Even a brief pause can help you handle challenging situations in a way that leaves you feeling better afterwards.
Why the DBT STOP Skill Helps When Emotions Spike
When your emotions jump from 0-100, the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that is responsible for detecting threat, becomes activated. This activation often occurs before you have time to think through the situation because its role is to protect you, so it moves quickly and reacts.
At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, which helps with decision making and impulse control, becomes less active. This is why your reactions can sometimes feel instant and intense.
The STOP skill works because it helps interrupt this process, allowing the prefrontal cortex to re-engage. This pause is what will make it possible for you to get back to a state where choice is possible.
You don’t need to use the skill perfectly for it to work. Even a few seconds of using the STOP skill will help interrupt your automatic reactions and give you just enough space to respond differently.
What Are the Steps of the DBT STOP Skill?
1) S-STOP
The first step is to interrupt and, ideally, stop the action. When your emotions spike, you might have noticed your body often wants to move quickly, whether it’s sending the text, over explaining, or shutting down. Your emotions want to take control and act without thinking.
The first step is a momentary freeze. In DBT groups, I often put this as “pump the brakes” before doing or saying something that might fuel the moment.
Your only goal at this moment is to delay the action so you don’t act on the urge. This might look like:
- Closing your laptop before you respond to an email.
- Not pressing send on a message.
- Putting your phone down instead of continuing to type.
- Waiting before making a phone call.
- Staying silent for a few moments when you feel the urge to interrupt.
- Pacing slowly back and forth without engaging in the urge behavior or sitting down instead of pacing.
- Standing in one place and thinking of a STOP sign.
- Saying stop to yourself silently.
Even a one-second pause counts. The goal at this step isn’t about feeling good, getting rid of emotions, or even stopping reactions completely. The goal is to stop yourself from making an already difficult situation worse and allow your response to be guided by awareness rather than urgency.
This step requires practice and will eventually become easier to access, even during emotionally escalated moments.
Example:
You get a text from your partner that says, “We need to talk later.” Your mind starts racing, and you feel nauseous. You notice the urge to text back immediately with questions, but instead you pause and don’t respond immediately.
2) T-Take a Step Back
The next step can sometimes overlap with the first step, but think about stopping as a way to stop/ pause the action, and taking a step back keeps that pause in place. You’re taking a step back, both mentally and physically.
When I teach this step, I often ask clients to take a step back physically so they can remember it when they have the urge to act quickly or to fix the situation immediately. Also, when emotions are heightened, thinking about how you’re going to deal with it productively can be hard, so creating distance (in your mind and/or physically) can help give you some time to calm down and think.
Remind yourself that you don’t have to solve this right now, and focus on 1-2 helpful coping strategies. Whether you practice slow breathing or hold an ice cube to distract yourself, the goal is to create some space between your thoughts and emotions.
Even in urgent situations, there are moments to take one slow, deep breath and notice what is being asked of you. Consider changing the quality of the action to help you respond with a little more clarity instead of reacting purely from your emotional intensity.
Example:
You get a text from your partner that says, “We need to talk later.” Your mind starts racing and you feel nauseous. You notice the urge to text back immediately with questions, but instead, you pause and don’t respond right away.
You put your phone down, take a step back, and take a few slow, deep breaths. You remind yourself that you don’t need to solve this right away.
3) O-Observe
The third step is about noticing what’s happening without analyzing it. You’re building awareness of how your reactions started. Think of this step as gathering information about what is actually happening rather than the only story your emotions are telling you.
When your emotions escalate, your mind often rushes to conclusions. You might feel like you know exactly what someone’s intentions were, what’s going to happen, or what you should do next. This step asks you to look at that story more carefully and nonjudgmentally so you can understand the situation more clearly.
Scan your body for physiological responses, notice how you are feeling, and what your emotions are telling you to do. You also look at what’s happening around you, like who was involved and what they were doing or saying. What was their tone of voice, body language, what was actually said and done?
You’re not labeling anything as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but just gathering information to help separate what is actually happening and what your reaction is adding to it.
You might feel like skipping this step and going straight to problem-solving, but that doesn’t help you recognize the signs you’re moving from 0 to 100. The more you practice this step, the earlier you catch patterns, which makes it easier to choose how you want to respond.
Example:
You get a text from your partner that says, “We need to talk later.” Your mind starts racing, and you feel nauseous. You notice the urge to text back immediately with questions, but instead you pause and don’t respond right away.
You put your phone down, take a step back, and take a few slow, deep breaths. You remind yourself that you don’t need to solve this right away.
You notice your heart and mind racing, and you assume something is wrong without any real information. You notice thoughts like, “I did something wrong” and “They don’t want to be with me anymore.” You also notice that the message lacks any tone that you can hear, and nothing else beyond “We need to talk later” has been said. You remind yourself that you’re reacting to your immediate thoughts and assuming instead of relying on confirmed information.
4) P-Proceed Mindfully
This is where you bring choice back online. Being mindful doesn’t mean you have to make the perfect decision, but it’s about being purposeful.
Think about what you want from this situation and which responses are likely to help and which might fuel the problem. I also like to think about my long-term goals and whether the choices I make will move me closer or farther away from them.
You’re asking your wise mind how to deal with this situation based on the information you have, and to act with awareness rather than urgency. You might decide to postpone a conversation for later, delay sending an email, or take care of yourself before you engage again.
This part of the DBT stop skill is about acting in a way that aligns with your values, even when emotions are present, and even if the choice you’re about to make doesn’t feel good.
Example:
You get a text from your partner that says, “We need to talk later.” Your mind starts racing, and you feel nauseous. You notice the urge to text back immediately with questions, but instead you pause and don’t respond immediately.
You put your phone down, take a step back, and take a few slow, deep breaths. You remind yourself that you don’t need to solve this right away.
You notice your heart and mind racing, and you assume something is wrong without any real information. You notice thoughts like, “I did something wrong” and “They don’t want to be with me anymore.” You also notice that the message lacks any tone that you can hear, and nothing else beyond “We need to talk later” has been said. You remind yourself that you’re reacting to your immediate thoughts and assuming instead of relying on confirmed information.
You think about what you actually want from this situation. You want a calm conversation and not an argument over text. You ask yourself which response might help the most right now and which might make it worse. Youproceed mindfully by deciding to wait and respond in a way that keeps the conversation open.
A Helpful Way to Remember the STOP Skill
One simple way that I like to help clients remember the STOP skill is to think of a traffic light. When your emotions go from 0 to 100, it can feel like you need to act right away. The traffic light provides a visual cue for slowing down in those moments.
This analogy can be really helpful when emotions are high, and you need to access this skill.
Common Mistakes When Using the DBT STOP Skill
- Using the STOP skill AFTER the reaction has already happened. STOP skill is meant to help STOP the reaction from happening in the first place. The goal is to help you start noticing the urge, not ending.
- Treating the skill like a checklist that needs to be done perfectly. Something that I noticed frequently in DBT groups is that if clients didn’t use the DBT stop skill perfectly, they felt that it didn’t count. I often remind them that using even one part of a skill is a win in my book. Progress comes from practice and consistency, not perfection.
- Expecting the STOP skill to make the emotion disappear. The goal is to slow down enough so you don’t make the situation worse and to make value-aligned choices. Emotions communicate that something needs attention, not that you need to react immediately.
DBT Resources
- The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook
- DBT Cards for Coping Skills
- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Card Deck
- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety
FREE DBT STOP Skill HANDOUT
Final Thoughts….
Big emotions can show up fast, and when they do, its easy to react before you even realize what’s happening. This STOP skill won’t make your feelings go away, but it will give you a brief pause when you need it the most. The goal is to use that pause to help you change the outcome.
Don’t stop at the STOP skill, there are so many other DBT emotion regulation skills that will help you manage intense emotions and respond in healthier ways. In DBT groups, I usually teach the STOP skill first and then move on to the DBT TIPP skill to help calm your body and emotions.
Whether you use the DBT opposite action or the DBT pros and cons after the DBT stop skill depends on the situation. The goal is to choose one that best fits what you’re dealing with in the moment, and sometimes you have to trial and error it.
The more you practice the distress tolerance skill, the easier it will become, especially during the 0-100 moments. Even trying one step of the DBT stop skill is better than not trying at all. I always tell my clients that if you’re even able to think about using the skill, that’s a win in my book. This skill is also part of my coping toolbox, which I use when I feel overwhelmed.
The most important thing to remember from now on is that you have options. The next time your emotions jump from 0 to 100, try this stop strategy and see what happens. You might be surprised how much control you actually have when you’re simply pausing and breathing for a moment.
I would love to hear from all of you. Does the DBT STOP method work for you??
More Posts About Coping Skills
- How to Process Your Emotions (When No One Taught You How)
- 60 Simple Healthy Coping Skills For Your Mental Health
- Feeling Anxious? 3 CBT Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now (+ Free Worksheet!)
- 15 Coping Skills for Anxiety You Need To Know Now
- Feeling Down? 13 Comforting Dear Zindagi Quotes That Will Help
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Nisha Patel
Founder of Brown Girl Trauma