If you are visiting this page, I am assuming you have or are starting to realize that you have been surrounded by dysfunctional family relationships. You may also call it an unhealthy family, a toxic family, an abusive family, etc. Whatever the label, you are here because you may have finally known that you are not alone. Maybe you are here because you are intrigued and want to know where to go next.
The guilt, shame, regret, anger you are feeling was something I was going through as well. I grew up surrounded with dysfunctional family relationships, and it took me a long time to get to the space I am in today. If you are someone who is ready to start their healing journey, then keep reading.
Brown Girl Trauma
When I first started Brown Girl Trauma in July 2020, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if anyone would relate to the content or care about what I had to share. It was at a time when I was dissecting deeper into my own symptoms trying to understand the root cause of my behaviors, and connecting with my authentic self, a journey I have been on for some time now.
That led me to reflect on my childhood, my parents, and my grandparents. I shared my post on Generational Trauma based on my own family history. It was surprising to see how many of you resonated with it. I became really interested in learning about how generational trauma specifically affected a dysfunctional family. As I continued to read more of your stories, I realized one thing- we are all uniquely connected
It was your normal
There is the rule of don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust that we talk about in ACA. This means you may have never ended up sharing your pain with anyone outside of the house. Most of the families you may have interacted with probably had pretty similar dynamics, so you never questioned it. That was normal. What I learned from all of you is that we are more alike than different when it comes to our traits and patterns. We had developed unhealthy survival habits as a way to survive and cope with our environment. The way we view our world is pretty similar despite us never crossing paths with each other.
Many of us share the same deep sense of pain that we initially refused to acknowledge, but knew was always there. A constant voice saying something is wrong. Acknowledging that pain and voice would mean what we thought about our family would become true. You were not prepared to face that truth, so you continued living in denial. It is easier to blame ourselves and deny what we feel, rather than admitting that there is something wrong with our family.
Do not confuse dysfunctional family relationships with a family that simply goes through its ups and downs. Just because you may not agree with the 'down' does not automatically make it a Dysfunctional family.
I realized the toxic traits in my family were not normal, as I slowly stepped outside of the circle. The internal battles my parents and extended family faced were passed down from generations, and they did not have the knowledge or resources to do anything about it (or the luxury to pursue healing despite the resources). However, I was fascinated by this concept of how trauma was passed down. I would constantly think about my future, and how if I did not at least TRY to break the cycle, the burden would just get passed on. I knew with that thought, I had to keep doing my part. For a better tomorrow, and a much deserved today.
Join our community
This page was created with a lot of courage, reflection, and growth, so I appreciate each one of you for sharing your story with me and being respectful as I share mine. As I always say, healing is our individual responsibility and you deserve it. In this community, you are all cycle breakers.
{Related Post: Read my post on 15 Lessons I Learned Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family}
Want to know solutions for dysfunctional family relationships? Join our community. The three top ways to join:
- Join our Facebook community.
- Join our Instagram community.
- You may also sign up for the weekly Newsletter to receive healing tips, therapy worksheets, my current reads, updates and much more.
I wanted to make the first post of 2021 a reminder post that you are not alone, and there is an entire community that shares your story without living your truth. Find your strength and continue to show up for yourself. I hope 2021 is a year of healing and liberation for you.
Love,
@browngirltrauma
